Here I am. My tears fall on the cold and empty floor. I never thought I would be sitting here today. The way I am. I guess I should tell you why this is so surprising to me. Let’s go back to the beginning. August 2014. I had this amazing opportunity to live in another country for one and a half year. I have to tell you: You need to be brave! It is not easy but you can do it. I did it. I was in a moment of my life that I needed a change, so moving away was perfect. I was going to leave all the bad things, all the bad experiences and feelings in the past. They would not be allowed in my new life. One more time, I did it. I met really wonderful people that today I can call them FRIENDS. I am sure it doesn’t matter what happens in our lives, we will always be.
Everything looked so perfect. I was living in a place I really love and I had positive and friendly people around me. Then. September 2014. I made a decision that at the time I thought it was the best decision I have made in my life but today I can see it wasn’t. I met this guy. We became friends on Facebook. We talked every day. Like seriously, EVERY DAY!!! Then, we decided to go on a date. That is normal. My first impression of him was “how can he be more handsome than on his pictures?” - I wondered. On our first date, we met at Starbucks. A public place. Pretty standard if you are meeting someone that you have never met in person before. Safety in the first place. He was really nice and kind. We went to the beach after. Some of my friends were at the beach. Again, safety in the first place. I introduced him and they were pretty cool about it. We had lunch and shared a milkshake. Here’s something you probably don’t know about me. I love to share food. So, the fact we shared a milkshake really made me HAPPY. I don’t know about you but this was probably the longest first date ever: 6 hours straight just talking. He is a musician. He had a band practice on that night so that is probably why we didn’t spend more time together. I walked with him to his car and he gave me an American hug. I say American because I am Brazilian and Brazilians are very touchy and warm and Americans mostly like their person space. I played around with him about this and actually told him the Brazilian way to say “Hello” and “Goodbye”. So he kissed me on my cheek. Yes, this is the Brazilian way to greet someone. His kiss made me sigh. It is so silly to think about this now but, have you ever met someone that when you two are together, your heartbeat increases, your hands feel cold and sweaty and you have butterflies in your tummy? That was exactly what I was feeling and that kiss just made me start to think about what could happen between us. I really didn’t want to fall in love with anyone because I knew I had to go back to my country in a year and a half. I didn’t want to put me through this pain. From the beginning of this, you probably can assume that I couldn’t let it go. “The Heart Wants What It Wants”. It was not the distance that distanced us. I am still looking, I am still trying to understand what happened to us.
Everything looked so perfect. I was living in a place I really love and I had positive and friendly people around me. Then. September 2014. I made a decision that at the time I thought it was the best decision I have made in my life but today I can see it wasn’t. I met this guy. We became friends on Facebook. We talked every day. Like seriously, EVERY DAY!!! Then, we decided to go on a date. That is normal. My first impression of him was “how can he be more handsome than on his pictures?” - I wondered. On our first date, we met at Starbucks. A public place. Pretty standard if you are meeting someone that you have never met in person before. Safety in the first place. He was really nice and kind. We went to the beach after. Some of my friends were at the beach. Again, safety in the first place. I introduced him and they were pretty cool about it. We had lunch and shared a milkshake. Here’s something you probably don’t know about me. I love to share food. So, the fact we shared a milkshake really made me HAPPY. I don’t know about you but this was probably the longest first date ever: 6 hours straight just talking. He is a musician. He had a band practice on that night so that is probably why we didn’t spend more time together. I walked with him to his car and he gave me an American hug. I say American because I am Brazilian and Brazilians are very touchy and warm and Americans mostly like their person space. I played around with him about this and actually told him the Brazilian way to say “Hello” and “Goodbye”. So he kissed me on my cheek. Yes, this is the Brazilian way to greet someone. His kiss made me sigh. It is so silly to think about this now but, have you ever met someone that when you two are together, your heartbeat increases, your hands feel cold and sweaty and you have butterflies in your tummy? That was exactly what I was feeling and that kiss just made me start to think about what could happen between us. I really didn’t want to fall in love with anyone because I knew I had to go back to my country in a year and a half. I didn’t want to put me through this pain. From the beginning of this, you probably can assume that I couldn’t let it go. “The Heart Wants What It Wants”. It was not the distance that distanced us. I am still looking, I am still trying to understand what happened to us.
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