Monday, July 17, 2017

The first disappointment - Part 2

2007. December. I started to like a friend from High School. He seemed like a good guy. I guess I don't have a good eye. We started to hang out, go on dates and eventually became boyfriend and girlfriend.

2008. April. His friend was having a party for his birthday and he went without me. NOTE: his friend and his ex-girlfriend were friends and she was his friend's neighbor. Yes, she did go to the party as well. If you know life, if you know someone that had dated, you are making assumptions right now. Let me tell you something: You are probably right. Yes, he cheated on me with his ex-girlfriend. The first thing he did on Monday after school was telling me about what happened. He was sorry and he said he would understand if I could not forgive him. I should have let him go. I should have put an end to our relationship. BUT I didn't. I let myself be carried away by his words. I got carried away by the hope I desperately wanted to believe.

2008. September. I was feeling jealous. There was this girl in my class and I didn't like the way she would talk to my boyfriend. She was all flirty with him while I was by his side. I was invisible to her. I didn't go to school one Friday because I was traveling with my aunt to Rio de Janeiro to meet my cousin who had just born. Again, you are probably making assumptions right now and again, you are probably right. Yes, he cheated on me with her. The worst part? Everyone in the school knew. No one told me. When I went to class on Monday, I felt like something was different. I felt like everyone was staring at me, looking at me for some reason I didn't know. Couple days after this, he broke up with me. He said it wasn't working out because I was too jealous. I felt horrible. I felt like I was doing something wrong. One or two days after, he was together with the girl. I was shocked. He didn't break up with me because I was too jealous. He broke up with me to be with the girl I was jealous of. At least, he broke up with me and didn't cheat on me - I thought. If I only knew. I was desolate. I wondered what she had that I didn't. My insecurities were getting bigger and bigger. On top of that, my friends were his friends. I could stay in the same room as both of them. I couldn't be with my friends because they were with him. I pushed myself away. I started to get late at school, miss classes and be alone in and out of the class. This lasted until graduation, in December 2009. I didn't go to prom. I just went to graduation and was alone there too. My friends went out after graduation and I went home.

2010 was knocking on the door and I decided to make it a better year. I would put all the bad moments of high school into my box of feelings and forget about them.

You are probably thinking that this is all. You are wrong. There is so much more but that is a new story for another day.

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